Life with Chiquita

 

So I have been meaning to start this blog since finding out I was pregnant, I would like to say I am sat her 10 weeks or so pregnant but alas no…. I am sat here with a 9 week old beautiful baby girl so a little late starting. When people would tell me to enjoy and relax during pregnancy because once the baby arrives….. then they would make a whistling noise followed by a smirk as if to say lets not tell her what’s to come. Well people I will tell you! To sum up taking a poo alone is an absolute pleasure or making a cup of tea with two hands or being called Michelle not Olivia’s Mummy or being able to look let alone eat a chicken korma! As much as I love being Olivia’s mummy I am just not use to being needed this much, because I was one of the most selfish people you could meet, I laughably thought a baby would just fit into my life…. Ha ha sorry I am still laughing at my naivety!  I always thought babies just ate, slept and shit but in between they want to be held and you must do this while standing because if you dare to sit down while swaying them to sleep then their closed eyes flick open to the biggest widest pair ever seen to man. Then the past hour’s work as been for nothing as you have just found yourself back to square one! Hero to zero, all because you rested one arse cheek on the sideboard! Whoever came up with the saying ‘ slept like a baby’ obviously never had one and they are an absolute prick!

So this blog is all about being a single mum, I hope to make you smile and even laugh at my inexperience on this new daunting adventure but mostly to show it’s ok to not know everything about this new job. There is a great deal the books don’t tell you for example nipples like bullets, tardiness, joy at the sound of burps, love of concealer, the amount of stuff you need to take with you every time you leave the house because the day you forget the spare outfit is the day she shits all up her back in starbucks, the craving for blue cheese/ soft fried eggs/sushi then the inability to be bothered to buy/cook/eat said food instead finding yourself sat in a chair surrounded by muslin cloths with a boob hanging out dipping a full family bar of dairy milk into hot chocolate. And with said point you will never look as good as Posh after giving birth.